We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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