SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We had sex on a dog bed..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
