moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
