Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
