You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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