bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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