You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
