You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Randomize
