i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
