Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
