Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
