While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
