I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
