Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
