I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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