The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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