At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
