i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
