I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
