i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
