Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
