my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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