I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
