ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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