Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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