Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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