I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
