It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
