im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
