I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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