I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is not my ceiling
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
