Grow some girl-balls and come out already
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
