textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
