:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
