What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
