Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
