Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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