I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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