my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
