just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
