it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
