when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
