is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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