No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
