Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The air was thick with penises
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
