i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
