The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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