i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
50% drunk capacity currently
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
