And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
