his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
